To the AMPTP

Being a fan of new media (current_, ever heard of it?), I'd like to thank the AMPTP for their astonishing lack of foresight. Because of their greed and ignorance, they have hastened the demise of broadcast television. Next Tuesday, my good friend SPJ will place yet another nail in the coffin. Don't believe me? Fine, be that way. It's not as if you guys have consistently demonstrated a complete inability to make a sound decision.

You AMPTP guys better wake up while you still have writers striking for the right to be screwed just a little bit less than you'd like. Or don't, it's your call geniuses. I'm sure local news and sports are enough to fill 18 hours a day of programming.

Since you've got time to fill next fall, why not have a reality show about the struggle to fill your schedules with so many dancing "stars", egomanical jackasses in bad wigs (you know damn well who I'm talking about), or "Survivor: Burbank".

In short, you guys suck. Since I'm apparently not running this go round, I may take a break from dealing with this climate crisis to pummel you idiots into the ground. Your move.

(Note to self: I need an editor.)

In Your Honor

Thank you, Andrew Olmsted.

Andrew Olmsted

To the RIAA...

Thanks for reminding me why I'm a Democrat, you greedy d#$@ebags. Apparently, you idiots won't be happy until listening to music at all is illegal.

What do I care if I piss them off? I'm apparently not running.

Love, 

Fake Al

30 Rocked

If you missed it, you'll have to get an invite to that ridiculous hulu thing to see my amazing performance.

Who knows where I'll be next.

I'm Blowing Up

But not like you think. I kid, I kid with the fat jokes. Renders them powerless. Anyway, check this out. I won the freaking Nobel Prize. Fake crisis my ass.

Just taking a break from the party to say one thing.

What do all these things have in common?

• The Oval Office
• Me
• Nobel Prize

They're three things that will be spending a lot of time together very soon.

Gore out.

Almost there...

Stay tuned.

Gore FTW - #1 Feels Better than #3

So, old Al's not looking so crazy anymore, huh? Daily Kos noticed that I had beaten out the heel nippers handily in a poll out of Detroit.

Never have I said so much so loudly as I have by saying nothing at all. I love it when a plan comes together.

You other candidates feel free to keep knocking yourselves out on the campaign trail. It's certainly fun to watch. With that, I'll reference the post that started this whole thing.

Time's almost up. Stay tuned.