Talking Points - O Liberal Media, Where Art Thou?

So the L.A. Times apparently received the same talking points communiqué the infotainment bores were blathering on about on Rupert's air earlier this week.

I already pointed out the ridiculous nature of this report here, but it's worth noting as this showed up in an L.A. paper. You know, the paper from the land of the people who are all supposedly worshiping before the great and powerful Gore.

Even a hack like Gary McChuckles might bristle at a cheap line like this one:

"Perhaps what we really need next is a live global concert to raise awareness about the omnipresence of live global concerts trying to raise awarenesses."

How about this? Perhaps we need reporters who get busy uncovering real stories instead of trying to out yuk each other. Leave that to the bloggers.

This Just In... Coal Miners Want More Coal Plants

Well, golly gee I guess I stand corrected. I mean, if the people who make a living off of them say we should have more plants that's all I need to know. Hard to argue with them. It's not like coal miners have an astronomically high rate of job-related illnesses or anything. Nothing better than a good old lung-ful of carbon. Mmmmmmm. Carbon. It does a body good.

In related news, Exxon announced they will fund a grant to help develop V20 low-MPG engines. Exxon spokesperson Cash McGreenback said:

"Look, Exxon appreciates vehicles such as Hummers and poorly maintained SUVs that get poor mileage as much as the next tycoon. But that's not enough. Our shareholders are growing accustomed to massive profits, and to continue that trend we are excited to announce the funding of this grant that will benefit us all (wink wink). Who knows, we might just break the 10 MPG barrier if we all just believe."

These guys sure do love C02, but I have yet to see them sucking on tailpipes for sustenance. I am sure they would if they could. Maybe if we all just believe.

I Am The Great and Powerful Gore

At least that's what the whiners would have you believe. Apparently the only time rock stars perform concerts is when I order them to do so. When not performing at Live Earth they sit at home patiently waiting for the GorePhone to ring alerting them when and where they are allowed to play.

It's ridiculous that whiners like this guy are claiming that all of these rock stars would have been twiddling their thumbs at home had it not been for Live Earth. Yes, because everyone knows that summer is not the time for concerts and festivals. These idiots would have you believe that the Red Hot Chili Peppers would just be hanging around in a candle-lit room hoping I'll give them something to do rather than playing a non-green festival somewhere else.

I am the Great and Powerful Gore according to my critics. I appreciate the heads up. Apparently I slept through the part where Morgan Freeman endowed me with all of God's power, thus enabling me to exert mind control over the masses who sit and wait for my call. Thanks to them I know that I control all of the Earth's energy consumption as apparently people only perform or attend concerts when I sponsor them.

Greenest. Festival. Ever. Deal with it. You know damn well as soon as you naysayers figure out a way to profit from green initiatives you'll all jump on the bandwagon. See you then. The more the merrier, just don't expect me to forget that you are pointing and laughing now.

Why Are You Reading This?

You should be watching Live Earth! Put down the laptop (don't forget to turn it off and unplug) and gather a group to watch!

There's No Point In Hiding It...

I'm sure you have all seen it in the news by now, and I am not going to shy away from discussing a topic like this. I even appeared on the Today Show to talk about it. Here goes...

"I've fallen out of love with politics."

What? You expected something else? n00bs.

Notice how carefully I worded my statements though. If you've read my book, The Assault on Reason, you know how I feel about how easily distracted most sheeple are. In order to preserve my "surprise" until exactly the right moment, I'll be taking advantage of that fact for as long as I can. Here's my quote:

“I don’t have any plans or any intentions of being a candidate again. The main reason is I am involved in a different kind of campaign to try to raise awareness to what I believe is truly the most-serious crisis our civilization has ever faced.”

You have to give it to me, I pulled that off on live TV. I defy you to find a more perfect non-answer. I'll answer that question soon enough, but it will be on my terms.

As for that "other" story about me in the news... Who knew you could do 100mph in a Prius? Why are we still driving regular cars? Notice which news agency left out that part.

Yes, I have an iPhone

It.s aewseom. I am posting this entrée with it. Thee predictive text works grate. (Just kidding. It really does work fabulously.)

Congrats to Apple, Inc. on a great product. Although I guess they forgot to include that solar cell power source I kept telling them about. Maybe next time.

Green Party... Not that One

So there's a little shindig I put together you might want to check out. It's a green event (of course) despite what the naysayers are going on about ("Gorestock?" You guys are precious, really.). Seriously, even the web hosting is green.

See you in Jersey. Just don't bother me during DMB's set. Especially if they are playing BWBF.